Friday, August 26, 2011

My Application

Some of my friends have started trying to pimp this single guy out to their single female friends. One such female friend has some particularly exacting standards for the male of our species, "yes I would like you to find me a single man, mildly intelligent and attractive, all his teeth, has a passport and can keep up with me. Is that too much to ask?"

After some review, it seems that I fail one of her key requirements.

"single man" - There is no ring on my finger, and I have the appropriate equipment in my pants, so that would be a check.

"mildly intelligent" - I would consider "mildly" to be an insult. I have a bachelor's degree and a master's degree from well-regarded universities. I am certified in my particular profession, and I am currently employed by a local technology company. In my spare time, I enjoy reading, including books on science and technology. I am currently reading Coming of Age in the Milky Way (ha, he said "coming") by Timothy Ferris. I have previously read Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time, A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson (known more for his books on travel), and several books by the late Carl Sagan ("billions and billions of stars"). I am also currently reading The Beer Enthusiast's Guide, but I'm not sure that's appropriate here. I would give myself a check plus for this one.

"attractive" - Physical attractiveness is subjective, and opinions vary by person. I did recently star in my own music video. This one would be an incomplete.

"has a passport" - This is a check, but my visa for China expires in mid-September.

"can keep up with me" - This one implies an in-person interview and some sort of competition, so I would mark it as another incomplete.

Unfortunately, I fail her "all his teeth" test. I had braces as a kid, and as usually follows having braces, all four of my wisdom teeth were later removed.

Does anybody have any single female friends with less stringent requirements?

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